You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
