so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
