We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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