Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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