and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
