cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
