Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
