I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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