you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
