I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
