sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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