12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
