This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
