Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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