your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
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