last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
