I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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