now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
