Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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