Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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