It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize