Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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