Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
