i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
