Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
