and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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