while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize