I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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