New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
