I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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