Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
