i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
foreskin is a definite game changer
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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