Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize