remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
