Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
