I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
