You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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