For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
