Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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