Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
