I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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