if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
