At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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