Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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