everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
