i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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