I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
