cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
