it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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