how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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