After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
