I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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