I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
