there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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