I accidentally burped into my bong.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
