I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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