I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
