Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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