Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed