yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.