Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism