You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We're too hungover to prance.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist