My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!