so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh