he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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