Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
