Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
