I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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