Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
