Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In other news, I just burned my penis
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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