I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
