I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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