dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
