I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
